Monday, 24 December 2018

Good King Treeza: A Christmas Carol

PM Treeza last looked out
On the feast of Stephen
Brexit crap lay round about
Deep and brown and heaving
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the Mail was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Gath'ring winter fuel

"Hither, Gove, and stand by me
If thou know'st it, telling
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?"
"Ma'am, he lives quite close to here
Sleeping on the pavement
Right against the Thatcher gates
For he is a vagrant."

"Bring me beans and bring me Scotch
Bring me sanctions hither
Thou and I will see him die
As the cold gets bitter."
Gove and PM sat back down,
Raised a glass together
Through the rude wind's wild lament
And the freezing weather

"Ma'am, the night is darker now
And the headlines wronger
Fails my heart, I know not how,
I can go no longer."
"Mark my footsteps, Gove you prat
Tread thou in them boldly
Thou shalt find the sanction's rage
Freeze thy blood quite coldly."

In his master's steps he trod
Where the snow lay dinted
Heat was in the very lies
Which the Mail had printed
Therefore, Tory men, be sure
Wealth or rank possessing
Ye who now will curse the poor
The taxman will be blessing.





Tuesday, 11 December 2018

The Twelve Days Of Brexit

On the first day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
A turnip in a, er, tur tree.

On the second day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the third day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the fourth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the fifth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the sixth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the seventh day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the eighth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Eight maids illegal,
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the ninth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Nine mothers crying,
Eight maids illegal,
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the tenth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaving,
Nine mothers crying,
Eight maids illegal,
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the eleventh day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Eleven paupers homeless,
Ten lords a-leaving,
Nine mothers crying,
Eight maids illegal,
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.

On the twelfth day of Brexit
My true love sent to me
Twelve Tories humming,
Eleven paupers homeless,
Ten lords a-leaving,
Nine mothers crying,
Eight maids illegal,
Seven swabs of rickets,
Six geese a-dying,
Five mouldy crusts,
Four starving cats,
Three dead rats,
Two roadkill doves,
And a turnip in a tur tree.